stay or should i go now? 

I miss blogging.  I really honestly do, but I havent written in months.  I have been contemplating switching to wordpress because most of the blogs i read use that format, but I know I would miss my neighborhood here.  Copy and paste between the blogs is an option, but do i really need a myspace, a facebook and 2 blogs + all the blogs I am addicted to reading?!?!  I am guessing the answer is no.  i dont.  so while i procrastinate (which I do quite well) making a decision ( which i quite loathe) I updated my banner for 2009.  go me.  oh and happy new year.

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I came across a journal page titled new years resolutions, which peaked my interest because I hadn't the vaguest recollection of making any. And let me tell you, I was thoroughly amused and a tad impressed. I had kept half of them ( never mind that i only made 4 to begin with) 

So I thought I would post an update and set some goals for the rest of the year.

In January I (apparently) posted the following resolutions.  The green text is from my original post. 

1. Live in the moment:  I seem to be constantly worried about tomorrow, next week, next month to the point where I rarely enjoy today or appreciate the possibilities.  I took this to heart, it was possibly the best thing I have ever done for myself.   I started appreciating my days for what they held,  instead of what they were missing.  I started finding joy in little moments of life, and I started laughing. A lot more. And the strangest thing happened.... For the first time in a long time I found genuine happiness, and for the first time that I can ever remember, I feel comfortable in my own skin.

2. Stop stressing over finances: Yes this is not the best situation financially, but its the situation I have for now. Usually money (or lack thereof in this case) doesn't bother me, but the past month or so I keep waking up in the middle of the night in a blind panic about the state of my checking account.  And when I do fall asleep several hours later, I spend the remainder of the night tossing, turning and grinding my teeth- something i have never done before. While I may have to spend the 28-30th of each money living off of spare change hidden in the cushions, so far I haven't been evicted or hungry.  I really need to let this financial anxiety go. I still have an occasional bought of anxiety over this one, because i am still seem to be consistently broke.  But i have stopped letting this completely stress me out they way that it used to. it is what it is, and i just make the best of what it is.

3. No More Internet Boys:  Ha! Are you supposed to be excited over failure?  Because I am so glad I didn't keep this resolution. Back in June I came across a myspace profile that I found very funny. As a bonus I found the owner of said space to be quite handsome!  Being my flirtatious self, I couldn't help but send him a friend request.  We started emailing each other and eventually met for lunch.  Through all of the waiting expectantly for a reply, and the butterflies when I had a message from him, I was fairly certain I was getting a little crush on this guy, but as soon as i had spent 5 minutes with him, I knew I had a huge crush and wanted to spend lots more time with him.  We went out to eat for my birthday.  He had read  this post and actually brought me these sweet flowers,but he ended up being the best birthday surprise I have ever received.  Simply put (although how I feel is far from simple) I am smitten with this man.  I am sure you will be reading lots more about him in the very near future.  

Bithday flowers

my sweetie

Hmmm...this ended up being alot longer than i anticipated.  I'll save the rest of the year resolutions for the next post!

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Well, I'll get around to that soon.  I promise.  But for now, here is a sneak peek.

Walking on sunshine

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my lapse in blogging only got worse!  You want to know what i think it is? I think over the past few years, I have used blogging as a way to vent or to deal with all manner of unpleasant emotions. So much so, that I don't know how to blog now that I am happy. Which, hey, I am not complaining about that at all. Its just that i actually do miss blogging.  So, i think i am going to give it another shot.  Soon.  Swear.

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Birthday meme

1) My birthday falls during the month of June.
2) To celebrate my next birthday, I would love to take a long road trip.
3) My dream gift would be to receive pink kitchen aid mixer.
4) But I'll probably end up getting pink cupcakes.
5) A famous person I share a birthday with is paula abdul.
6) If I could be serenaded the "Happy Birthday" song by anyone in the world, it would be Alan Rickman.

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wierd things for nay

I recently got tagged for the 10 weird things blog, by my friend Nadine saying,

"I tag Gretchen because I haven't heard from her in a while on such a personal level and I want to know weird things about her"

Now, what I find amusing about this quote is I would have expected Nadine had heard quite enough from me on a personal level!  You see, she is one of the women I admire most in the world and therefore one of the first people I am going to go to for "real advice." I trust her judgment, insight, wisdom and sincerity of heart more than some people I have known my whole life, despite that I have never actually met Nadine. 

Nadine is an army wife to K. and mom to three adorable boys.  She also served in the army, too.  All of which keeps her plenty busy, I'm sure.  But she doesn't stop there.  Nadine is always volunteering for something and always reaching out to other military families.  It would take me the rest of the week to go in to actual details but trust me when I say this women rocks. I don't know anyone else in the world like her, but I do know that the world could do with a few more women like her!  She was there for me during some of the hardest times of my life and I truly adore her for that.  Right now her husband is deployed so if you would, keep this family in your thoughts and prayers.  And Nadine, hopefully this will bring a bit of humor ( and love) your way to help pass one of those deployment summer afternoons! 

1. I like original and puffy cheetos. Which sounds perfectly normal, right? But here's the twist.  I ONLY like them if they are stale!!! If they aren't properly "aged" then no thanks.

2.  I have a very irrational fear of frogs.  I am talking high pitched squealing and panic attacks. Completely illogical, I know.  But do you know what a group of frogs is called?!?!  An army… see they are evil and trying to take over the world. At least I'll be prepared in my frog repelent fort! (kidding about the fort...sorta)

3.  I have storage bins full of stationary and wrapping paper that I never use because it's too pretty or cute to part with.  Incidentally, I have also accidentally stolen cards and wrapping paper twice now.  But that's a story for later… I mean never.

4.  I heart cake batter( but only the butter yellow kind) and eat it  the way other people eat raw cookie dough. However, I can't stand raw cookie dough. It's not that I don't like the way cookie dough tastes, it's just the principle of not actually baking cookies with it.

5.  I can NOT stand repetitive sounds. Ticking clocks, dripping faucets, snoring, smacking, gum popping, RATTLING WHEAT THIN bags (joey) all drive me to the brink of insanity.  ( or possibly over the brink in some instances... see wheat thins)

6. I dance in my car. While I am driving.  A lot.

7. Whenever I have a really bad migraine and have to get a shot of Demerol and Phenagren, I always dream that I have to teach this enormous purple cartoon elephant (complete with cane and top hat) how to tap dance.  Now, he is a perfectly sweet cartoon elephant, but this dream has been reoccurring for 15 years…. He really should be able to tap dance by now.

And while we are on the subject of medication

8.  Sudafed makes me completely high and causes erratic behavior.  Just ask breann about the hot tamale incident or josh about the time he founded me wandering around walmart in my slippers and bathrobe. 

9.  I can smell aspartame (fake sugar) from 10 feet away.  The slightest bit of it gives me a migraine… and migraines lead to tap dancing elephants…enough said.

10.  I am quite possibly the lightest sleeper in the world.  Seriously sometimes the sound of my comforter shifting or my hair moving across the pillow wakes me up.  I am forever in gratitude for the person who invented ear plugs.  That's really the only way I can get decent sleep anymore.

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a big thanks to Natalie for posting this cool site... it was exactly what i needed to keep from spending the whole day afternoon asleep at my desk.  Mind you  I still nodded off a few times.  this past week,i have had a hard time staying asleep, and last night I went to bed way way late ( thats in no way a complaint though!! ) but i am so looking forward to sleeping lots this weekend, catching up on my writing and finishing up some around the house projects.  okay, that last sentence was incredibly hard to write and yet still sound d.u.m.b.   back to zoned out world for me.  happy 4th everyone!

Sparklejoy

Name

Magic

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If you could do anything you want tomorrow, what would it be?
Submitted by Becca-Pink.

wake up here

mountains

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I never realized how deeply in love i am with my mattress until i spent the last week sleeping in a hospital chair. 

Will play blog catch up soon.

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* the internet at my office wont stay connected for more than 5 seconds at a time!  making it hard to enter data into my grants database and important things like.... well, this.

* Wednesday night while i was brushing my teeth, i felt dizzy, and the next thing i knew i woke up on the bathroom floor with a huge goose egg and a major headache.  no clue what happened or why.  first time I have ever fainted.

* this morning spider ants have taken over my car, literally.  my only hope is that there are enough of them to care the POS far far away.

* there is no more coffee.

* i think that says it all.

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